The Legend of Yuri Claus

Legend has it that Santa has a special helper, just for the Russian boys and girls on his good list. This secret helper is known throughout the world as Yuri Claus. He has been humble and content to let Santa steal the glory. Now, this blog is the first to record the truth of Yuri Claus.

So what does Yuri Claus do? Twice a year Yuri flies around the world delivering toys and greetings to the children of the cosmos. Yuri is a very busy helper, unlike those weird dudes who dress up as Santa in the mall. Besides working on Christmas eve, Yuri has a special night devoted all to himself. On April 12, everyone celebrates Yuri's night to commemorate his flight around the world.

How did Yuri come to help Santa in the first place? Well, it first happened many years ago. No, it was nothing like the tale of Rudolph. It is much more simple than that. In this day and age of "outsourcing" it makes economic sense for Santa to contract out with overseas help who are more experienced and are more culturally adept for local circumstances. So Yuri helps the good Russian boys and girls. The bad boys and girls are reserved for Father Frost to visit. Yikes!

Who is Yuri? Why Yuri Gagarin himself! The first man in space! On April 12, 1961 Yuri flew into space. Watching from the North Pole, Mrs. Claus was deeply impressed with this young Russian man and his heroic flight. She talked to Yuri as he reached the ascending node of his orbit. Mrs. Claus then got the idea that if Yuri helped on Christmas, Santa would not be so busy and could relax more. Santa agreed and it was in the summer of 1961 that Santa first asked Yuri to help out at Christmas. It was in December of 1961 Yuri secretly flew again to help his new friend Santa.

Why did Santa contract with Yuri? Because Yuri was already an experienced world traveler. Instead of a sleigh and magical reindeer Yuri relies on modern technology. This guy has no time for cookies and milk. He has a job to do! Adorned with an orange flight suit and a white helmet, he roars into space on his R-7 rocket.

Yuri Sreaks to Space on His Rocket!

Yuri's Vostok capsule flies around the world covering every inch in one 24 hour period. Every 90 minutes Yuri makes a revolution around the world, matching Santa's magic for speed. He drops his gifts and toys by parachute, making precise and pinpoint GPS aided landings.

Instead of "on Dancer, and Prancer, Donner and Vixen" Yuri transmits friendly greetings in all the world's languages saying:

"Circling the Earth in my orbital spaceship I marvel at the beauty of the planet. People of the world, let us safeguard and enhance this beauty -- not destroy it!"

Al Gore can't touch Yuri for his green factor. Yuri even rides non-hypergolic propellants into orbit. And unlike Santa he has no reindeer pooh to clean up!

So why does Yuri help out this way? When he landed in Khazakstan after his first orbital flight he was greeted by peasant farmers. These peasant farmers were very poor, but they shared what they could with Yuri until his rocket-geek friends could come and get him. Yuri's parents were also peasant farmers. He was touched by the kindness of the peasants and felt like he needed to give back to his community for all the things the community had done for him. Since then he has devoted himself to spreading good tidings throughout the world.

Things went so well after several Christmas's Yuri had to fake his death in 1968 to become a full-time member of Santa's staff. From 1968 onward he has helped out each and every Christmas. He has done such a good job, he has his own celebration. Since 2001 Yuri's Night has been celebrated by people across the seven continents and even in space!

How do you invite Yuri Claus to come to your house? Well, on Old Arbat Street in Moscow at shop #27 you can buy an ornament that includes a working transmitter. On the night Yuri flies into space he receives signals from all the transmitters and deposits his packages to the appropriate place. You can also go ask Yuri to come to your house if you visit the training suit at the US National Air and Space Museum. You can also visit the Robo Yuri statue in Moscow or his "grave" in Red Square.

Failing all that, you can invite Yuri by singing "Yuri Claus" on a night he flies. You don't know the song? It goes like this:

Yuri Claus,
Yuri Claus,
Yuri all the way!

Oh what fun it is to ride
on a Rocket Ship today!

Hey!

Then repeat that a bunch. Yuri has access to the millions of NSA spy satellites that eavesdrop on us. He can sort that out with the intelligence agencies and will figure out where you live.

Wendy bought me one of the ornaments last year when we adopted Jason Alexei. Low and behold Yuri Claus came on Christmas and brought Jason a T-Shirt! Now it is a Lenentine tradition to hang the Yuri Claus ornament on the Cristmas tree. Here is Jason and Wendy hanging the ornament for this year.

Yuri's package arrived earlier tonight during his North American orbital pass. In their stockings, Yuri put a pink Yuri shirt for Grace and a bigger one for Jason to wear! What a good Yuri Claus to remember my kids!

So if you see a bright streaking light in the sky on Christmas. And if you are listening and your audio device receives odd "beep beep beep" signals you know that it isn't Rudolph and the rest of the team flying by. It is Yuri Claus is on his way greeting and cheering on the young comrades of the world! Greet him with a strong "Privyet Yuri!" and you might get a T-shirt dropped on you.